Break Away

I cannot see,

What's beyond my nose.

Long endless stretch of darkness waiting in front of me,

I am so afraid to take a step forward.

It's almost time to make the decision,

It's almost time to step out of my warm cocoon,

It's almost time to face the music,

But mummy,

I don't think I'm ready yet.

Insecurities grip my chest and twist my lungs,

The unknown future is scary yet intriguing,

Desperately trying to spread my wings,

                                       R

                              A
                            O
                          S

 I want to   

Dreams chosen are hard to achieve,
But these feelings will remain strong,
I will not alter .

What's beyond my nose,
Out in this vast darkness,
I will find my courage and determination,

                                   F
                             O
                               R
                                W
                                  A                                          
                                    R
                                     D

I will lift my foot and step   

This is a revolution,
The ultimate controvert.
Courage,
Determination,
and Persistence shall lead the way.

At the end of this darkness I will find light,
Among the birds and clouds in the blue blue sky,
I will
F                 H
  L                  I
    Y                 G
                          H!!!!!

For the sky is only the BEGINNING.

They Say

They say Life is a Climb,

How far exactly is this Journey, when there is no particular destination?

Eyes flutter open every morning,

Looking forward to the first 5 seconds when head doesn't remember anything,

Dread the next minute when everything comes back, burdens fall so hard on shoulders.

Life sometimes is like a handful of sand clutched in the palm of your hands,

Never be too careful, never be too careless.

A grip too hard and everything vanish between your fingers,

A palm too wide open, only be taken away by wind.

Life come and go every minute, every second.

A heart is frighten by the fate brought by destiny.

Anytime, anywhere, any day, wherever,

The journey of a soul might meet a full stop,

A last breath escaped through parted lips,

Buried or burned, you're then Forgotten.

How will one have to go?

To reach the destination of life?

Will one ever make it in time?

Is Fate playing a nasty game?

What if one gives up and take it's own life?

What if the destination of Life no longer exist?

Too many question, too many left unanswered.

Victims of sinful endless life cycle.

Dear Lord, please write me a happier story.

Time and shreds of memories,

The only remaining reason of existence,

Remnants of our memory and love.

How long does one have to stay this way?

What flies high, must land one day.

What crawl slow, might soar one day.

The capabilities of changing one's life,

Lies only in the heart and one's will.

What come must go,

What left might come back,

Never fight for what does not belong,

Never cry for what breaks one's heart,

Tears are rare pearls like a mermaid's,

Don't throw it away 'cause life is just about to begin,

When you think it's going to end.

The Coldness of Emotion

What is tired?
Tired is when the same thing happens over and over again.
Tired is when tears fall over and over again.
Tired is when you can't do anything but watch.
Tired is when you want to run but can't go nowhere.

Tired is when all you want to do is Scream but only end up gritting your teeth.
Tired is when these tears won't stop.
Tired is when all you want is fade away and sleep.
Tired is when the people you had always trust turns out to be an illusion, a fake mask.
Tired is when you all fight for the same thing over and over again.
Tired is like running as fast as you can in a little circle.
Tired is when you want to just walk away but nothing is waiting for you to come back.
Tired is when all you can do is to let your heart cry silently.
Tired is when love no longer exist, what's left are ugly and bitter memories and feelings.

I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm so tired.
I'm so tired.
I'm so so very tired.
Tired of this endless cycle,
Tired of what use to mean everything, doesn't mean anything anymore.
Tired of what used to make me happy, turns out to be the thing that hurts me the most.

In the ruins of love,
Would you two please stop playing the game of House.
YOU! know what you did.
You know what is going on.
Stop playing dead,
When you'd already been caught.

Perhaps a punch in the face can wake you up,
Perhaps a pail of cold water can wake you all up.
'Cause right now I'm tired.
Thanks to you, I grew up to be Bitter and Cold.

Thanks for stabbing me in the back,
'Cause I'm good at being a bitch and stab you back too.

I sometimes wish you ALL could just LEAVE.
Get the FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!

Master of Art

Family....

All my life, I wondered about the real meaning of this word.

Home....
All my life, I had been trying to be happy in this place I call home.

The art of family, I wonder if anyone can perfect it. All I remember in my short almost 2 decades of life, is how I cried, cried, cried and cried.
At times, I found myself wondering, am I born to this world to master and become an expert in the feeling called Sadness. Nope, there is no irony nor is there any sarcasm.

Broken and shattered, a place called Home is where I come from. Somewhere along the way, I lost my ability to be sensitive. Sooner or later, I just might lose my ability to cry and feel.

The generation above me, is this why you bring me to this world? So I can see how terrible and awful this world is? So I can truly be afraid to something so stupid called Love?

There are so many words, that just can't be said. There are so many silent tears, that are left to fall alone. This chest of mine now feels empty. I am afraid, I won't have the ability to love anymore.

Family....
The ones who bring us to this world are I'm sorry to say, people who are irresponsible. Sometimes everything makes me wanna scream and shout into your faces. All the time, all I can do is bit my lip. Hold it down.

I am sorry today I'd grown up to be so bitter. I am sorry for the quiet demeaning look I have in my eyes when I look at you. I am sorry I knew too much. I am sorry I see too much. I am sorry I can no longer be the little girl who thinks of you. I am sorry I finally understand. I am sorry, I grew up too fast.

To smile when you're breaking. To laugh when all you want is to cry. It takes a lot of time and scars to master it. Waking up everyday sometimes feels like a chore. Who is the real me? I can no longer be sure.

If the walls of my room could speak, I am sure they will have a lot of bitter stories to tell. Stories about a young girl behind closed doors, how she had grown up to be bitter.

There are many words in this world that are not meant to say. And so, I will keep on remaining silent. I will keep on watching this foolish drama. I will keep on biting my lips holding it all back.

Words that aren't meant to say......
I will keep it....
Nobody shall know...
No one must see....

No one.....

17 years

That was me 15 years ago when I was 2 years old.

I had the most innocent smile ever.

In my eyes you can find not a trace unhappiness nor sadness.

Time.

We're all prisoners caged under the bars of Life,

Time is our brutal punishment.

I wonder how did it happen? I wonder when did it happen? The innocence in me is all gone.

Everyday I wake up, there is no longer a smile on my face as I roll off my bed and prepare to face the world.

Looking into the mirror I don't see me.

I only see another girl whom I could not recognize looking back at me silently.

Monday all the way through to Friday, I put on my school uniform and tie my necktie right.

Before I go, I remembered to grab my bag and put on my smile.

It's another day, another day filled with confusion and voices from above water.

The goals in life,

I understand is hard to achieve.

But I promise myself I will persevere. I will try hard. I will do my best.

When a day ends, I close my room door and took off my smile.

Time to rest, time for a goodnight sleep.

In my music sometimes I feel numb and couldn't find the passion I had.

In studies sometimes I can't concentrate and couldn't read nor understand a thing.

In love I am giving up for it's always the wrong person, I am always hurting and breaking.

In friendship, sometimes many of you makes me sad and time had changed everyone so much.

In family, I am so sick and tired of trying to understand your stupid issues.

Close friends leave one after another. 

I need to go out, have fun and stop worrying about everything for once!

I need to find the ME in me again,

The me that has no cares, the me that still believes in promises and happiness, the me that smiles truly from the bottom of my heart.

The last time I remember, I was on 12, graduating from primary school.

When did it begin that I am suddenly old enough to drive and go to wherever I want with everyone treating me like an adult.

When did I grew up??

Hahahhahahahaha....! It makes me laugh sarcastically, ironically.

From now on, I just wanna rub away the unhappiness that lurked too long in me.

A little by little everyday,

I want to make new friends and feel my heart BEAT against my chest again.

I want to feel excitement, passion, adrenaline, happiness as well as my soul.

A lot of things happened since I'm 2 years old.

Somewhere along the way I cried, got angry, felt hopeless, heart broken, betrayed and a million more emotions.

I sure, from here on, I will learn even more and feel another million of emotions.

It will be alright,

No need to force myself,

One step by one step, I will find ME again and happiness will reach me.

I am not your average girl,

I believe in me.

累 还是 泪？

我为什么一次有一次的为你伤心,

我真的不明白。。。

突然觉得好累， 真的好累。。。

No one to turn to.

I can only silently cry.