Confidence

There are times when I wish someone would come sit down and listen to me.

Listen to the words I never had the courage to say.

Listen to my worries I never had the guts to show.

Listen to my heart I never had the power to love.

Listen to my thoughts I never had the time to make people understand.

Listen to my cry and perhaps, maybe a little of my soul.

Time is going too fast.

The truth is I'm afraid.

I am so so so scared.

Every day I'm growing a little, Every year the number of my age is increasing.

I'm scared, so so so afraid.

Responsibility is getting Heavy.

Life is getting Unhappy.

Time is going too Fast.

I'm worry, so very worry.

Will I ever make it in life? Will I ever achieve my dream?

The money used every month for tuition and music is increasing.

I'm scared, I'm so so so afraid.

Dear mum and dad, will you be capable of giving me all these?

I'm worry and your hopes for me are HIGH.

Will I be able to make you proud?

I'm afraid of making you feel ashamed.

Without meaning to it had become a Stress another form of my Worries.

I'm sorry for being so Not Confident.

I am thankful for everything you make me today,

I am so afraid to disappoint you.

I will do my BEST and strive to be HIGHEST! 

But please understand that I'm not a genius.

A new year is arriving.

I promise I'll be good.

Next year will be my first step to reach out for my dream.

Will I make it?

I must give it my best shot.

It will be tiring, It will be very stressful.

I have only one chance, one chance to prove it all.

I am growing too fast.

I regret to see the world more clearly as days go by.

I feel envy when I see kids laughing,

I wish I can cry and laugh and whine and scream and giggle like them whenever I feel like.

I wonder where did the Honesty and Joy I had in my eyes went?

Just like kids I used to be carefree and happy.

Never have to worry about anything.

Everyday is pure Innocence and Honesty.

Life is a long road to walk alone.

Perhaps that is why Music, Love, Friends and Fate is invented.

But some people are meant to stay, some people simply can't, some had no more reasons to anymore, some will be by your side forever, some might arrive a bit late, some might hurt you, some heal your wounds, some make you cry while others smile and wipe away your tears and fears. 

Some show you courage and teach you wisdom. Some gave you love and break your heart. Some leave deep footprints in your heart. While some never meant anything at all.

A new year is about to arrive.

This year will end soon and a new beginning is going to happen.

I'm scared,

I'm so so so afraid.

Time to buck myself up!

Last year of school uniform days is coming.

It's time to take Life seriously.

It's now or never.

It's success or all over.

Autumn Walk

How much tears can one person shed?

I couldn't help but sit and wonder.

Silent tears are always the loudest cry for help,

Cries that will always be in vein..

A river by that cottage flow, flow and flow.

Generations after generations and I couldn't help but wonder,

Will the water run dry one day and everything will end?

Autumn is the season where all nature dress in their best to attend a coming funeral,

I took a walk beneath lines and lines of trees with leaves the shade of gold, red and yellow.

Not far I saw an old man pushing a wheel chair, in sat there was his old, old wife.

Peacefully they walked by, to me there shared a smile.

He was gentle and kind as he leaned down to whisper something into her ear,

She turned around, her eyes soft and warm, together they shared a wrinkled smile, on a lovely day during a walk in the park.

A love so true, I wonder if I'll ever find,

Will there be someone who would love me and cherish me 'till the hair in our head grow gray and white?

Do such love really exist and does it belong to me?

That old couple proved that love is strong,

And I'm sure, for them, their love will last until the breath their last breath..

Not Your Average Girl

I find long hair troublesome.
I hate pink stuffs.
I always laugh too loudly.
I hate troublesome stuffs.
I don't act differently in front of boys like most girls do.
I have intense passion for Music.
I hate liars.
I don't like cute little shiny stuffs.
I prefer Linkin Park to Jonas Brothers.
I love Mozart more then the stupid Justin Bieber .
I don't cry in front of anyone for personal reasons.
I cry my eyes out when I watch drama or read a sad book.
I don't stab my friends in the back.
I can't stand princesses.
I do stupid stuffs all the time.
I am scared of clowns and ghost.
I hate maths and history.
I always attract the weird guys.
I sometimes live in my own world.
I'm bad at counting beats in Music.
I go with the flow of my soul, not crowd.
I only make friends not enemies.
I have a personality that makes people smile.
I dare to do stuffs most girls don't.
I would stop and listen to the wind's whispers.
I would lie down on a grassy field.
I don't comb my hair.
I always remember to put on lotion.
I love perfumes.
I love trees.
I don't really like mountains.
I suck at racing.
I am stubborn.
I don't care what others think of me.
I am bad with children.
I interact better with animals then with humans.
I am not afraid of blood.
I can stand on chairs or tables to put things up instead of asking a guy to do it.
I can sleep 12 hours a day.
I fall in love with guys who plays music.
I run when I see lizards and ants.
I am not afraid of cockroaches.
I love lacey stuffs.
I think sky is the most interesting thing to look at.
I love the sound of tree leaves rustling.
I dream to be a bird.
I feel comfortable in darkness.
I am easy to talk to.
I like to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling.
I hate girls who acts like princess and can't do anything without help.
I am too tall.
I have a bad temper.
I get sick easily.
I laugh when people fall down.
I am super lazy.
I have a disease called Procrastination.
I do everything myself.
I don't take advantage of others.
I speak out when I'm not happy with someone in his/her face.
I have low laughing point.
I love frying eggs.
I like sunset better than sunrise and I don't know why.
I hate swimming pool cause I know people pee in it.
I would rather spend the whole day playing music than sitting studying.
I am straightforward.
I can't even draw a proper apple.
I often pretend to be carpet on the floor with the dog.
I don't like passion fruit.
I love watching movies in cinema.
I don't believe in prince Charming.
I am not afraid of being stupid.
I prefer sneakers than heels.
I punched a guy in the face before.
I fell into the drain when my bike crashed. LOL
I hate sunny days.
I love cakes.
I don't like fishes. It doesn't matter if it's food or just pet.
I love broccoli.
I eat watermelon flavor lollipop.
I shout when I am frustrated.
I am quiet when I am angry.
I giggle to myself because I remembered something funny.
I like to imitate how drummers play drum.
I fell in love with Afiq's long silky hair.
I don't lie cause I'll go to hell.
I like to see how kids make a fool of themselves.
I hate hypocrites.
I am always me.
I will always be me.
I'm not your average girl.

The Last Song

The love song I sang at last night's performance,
That will be the last Love song I will ever sing for you,
From now on I will forget you and let go,
I will accept that we are not meant to be and move on.

Never again I want to look into your eyes to see someone else that meant the world to you,
Never again will I have to force a sweet smile on my face.
Let this be a lovely ending,
'Cause I believe someone will come into my life one day,
Someone that will make me shed only the happy tears, not the bitter ones..

Though it's so easy said then done,
But I will have to learn to do my best..

Understanding

Sometimes when I feel even lower then the ground,
I wish someone would come and give me a smile and say "It's alright, everything will be fine."

What do I do, when all I want to do is sit and cry? What do I do, when everything around me is falling apart? What do I do, when I'm breaking from inside out? What do I do, when my mask start to fail me? What do I do, when my eyes betray me? What do I do, when the one I love the most is just not meant to be mine? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

The process of letting go is what I must learn in Life... But I could never get why must it be you...?

3 Hearts

That one and only person I care with my whole heart,
Will always have another girl in his heart...

The one person who love me with his whole heart,
Will always have me wanting another...

Everyone is Breaking from InsideOut...What to do?

Progression

Every time my heart says
'Go ahead, just love him!' My brain would shook it's head and say, 'Are you sure about this? I don't think it's a good idea.' and I'll find myself answering. 'Yeah, not a good idea.'

Every time I managed to stop myself from falling for him, just how long and how much my heart can take?

My ambition, studies and musics are so important. Something like Love, I don't need it, I don't want it. Cause in the end we'll go back to the starting point, where everything hurts.

I do not have the confidence. I do not have the courage. I keep telling myself to forget it and move on and the harder I try, the more I think of him.

To have two people to fall in love at the same time, that alone is a Miracle. I don't think that Miracle belongs to me, I might as well walk away before it starts to hurt.

This is not a silly story of a girl's one-sided love story. This is a story where this girl learns to grow up. She'll just have to learn to put down the things you want the most in the world because that is just how life goes. She'll have to learn to let go of what doesn't belongs to her.

It hurts, this is why we all call it Love. It's unfair, that is why we all call it Life.

Tentang Kamu

Bagaimana? Bila akhirnya ku cinta kau?
Dari kekurangan mu,
Hingga lebih mu..

Bagaimana? Bila semua pernah terjadi?
Mungkin inilah, yang terindah...

-Bunga Citra Lestari-

...And as Time goes by, you'll find yourself incapable of crying even if you want to because you finally realized that you had No More tears left to shed..

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have 5 fingers,
And the middle one's for You bastard!

爱我的人为我付出一切...
我却为我爱的人

流泪,

狂乱,

心碎...

-爱我的人和我爱的人—游鸿明-

ElseWhere

It's like living a dream,
While I'm pretty sure it's reality.

I move like a ghost everyday,
Sleep is the only time I can find comfort.

Sway and drag through everyday's schedule,
Like a robot set on Autopilot.

In my work I'm unable to concentrate,
When people talk,
It's like listening to voices from under water.

Everything is so Blurry,
What the hell am I doing?

It's like standing at the middle of a highway in the middle of the night,
I can't see a things,
Only the headlights of cars and vehicles that shoot by,
I'm watching the world go by as I stand still on the ground.

Everyone has a Destination,
Everything has a Purpose.
What is the meaning of my existence?
I have no idea.

Everyday I'm going off to a war,
A deadly war between my heart and head,
With my rusty helmet and armor tightly strapped on,
It's another fight of no Victor nor Loser.

Confusion

The higher I let my hopes go,
The greater the disappointment I will receive.

In life nobody can live without hope. But sometimes hope is not such a great thing cause time and again it disappoint humans with high hope. I made up my mind to forget and throw it all away, but seeing you again made my feelings waver...

Should I continue to give up,
Or should I hope again?

Facts

Tears are always bitter.
Love will always end.
Life is forever unfair.
Time is forever too fast.
Humans are forever selfish.
Friendship aren't always nice.
Relationship is just a jumble of complication.
Society is just an influence.
Mind is always working and confused.
Heart is always broken and mending and broken again.
Music aren't always happy.
A smile aren't always true.
Laughter sometimes reflects a crying heart.
Wisdom is always too far away.
Decisions are always tormenting us.
Head is always too full with thoughts.

Passion

Music.
I have a passion for music that is stronger than love between two lovers. It was my first love which I'm very sure would be my last too.

I close my eyes in bliss and calm whenever I play. My fingers danced like it all has a mind of it's own whenever it's on black and white keys or strings. Each melody represent a small piece of my soul. I can even play a whole song in my sleep. Pictures of my keys and strings would show up in my mind without effort, I would play myself a lullaby and be happy.

My passion for music, where did you go? What happened to the excitement whenever I see my instruments? How come there is no intense desire to play forever whenever I touch my instruments? When I play my fingers feel like bananas.

My music started to sound empty and cold. Like a robot playing with no soul. The only emotion I'm capable of producing is painful melody that makes me want to scream in frustration.

Dear Music,
When all things had failed, you're the one who saved me, you're the only one who could comfort me. You're always there whenever I cry, laugh, or angry. You're my bestfriend, you're my Love.
With my passions missing, I feel like an empty statue. There is no rhythm running through my whole body constantly, there is no melody composing themselves in my head endlessly.

Without you I don't think I can live. You're the only thing that I'm good at. You're the only thing that can make me feel free to be myself and boost my confidence constantly. My nights are now silent. No inspiration for new melody constantly running through my head.

Heart, I need you back. I don't know where you go but I need you back. Bring me back my love and my passion. Give me back the only thing that I can be good at. Let me feel the happiness again when everything in reality is messed up. Allow me to be myself again whenever I'm inside the music world.

Without Music, my life is too silent. Too cold. I'm scared of the feelings when there is no melody, no sound. I'm afraid I have to be a living dead.

梦

爱不到，
我最想要爱的人。

得不到，
我最想要的东西。

梦和现实,
我分不清。。

Lies

Whatever lie you say today,
You'll get it the same way ten times worse someday later..

You make the decisions,
You live the consequences.
You have no one to blame later,
Only your sorry self when all truth is found..

Life.
Don't think it's easy.
Never underestimate others,
They are smarter then you think.

Think not twice but THRICE before you act,
Lying and cheating is life swimming in water,
The harder you struggle to stay alive,
The deeper you sink
And sooner or later you're gonna DROWN.
And nobody will be there to shed any tears...

Life's Cycle

There are times when all you wanna do is turn around and Punch someone or something Hard in the face and say "Don't Fucking Mess With Me!!"

There are also times when you knew you just can't do it, but only to grit your teeth and swallow it down..

There are times when people, stuffs, responsibilities, commitment, relationships are such a PAIN in the butt and you just wanna scream.

As you grow older, life gets more and more complicated. This is not an estimation nor is it a prediction, this is a Fact. As you grow older, just by a look, an expression, one word, a body language, you'll understand the thoughts of others.

I was scared and afraid. I was scared of all the bitter and harsh emotions humans are capable of having. I've seen with my own naked eyes, how humans would fight whatever it takes to get what they want.

Disregarding the ones around them. Ignoring the selfishness. Forgetting the love. Indulging the power, wealth, greed and fame.

What is the purpose of all these actions? What is yours, will always be yours. What cannot be yours, even if you fight without considering anything, I'll still not be yours. It's simple. It's almost unacceptable. It's ironic. It's kinda awkward. It's stupid. Almost hypocritical.

Sometimes I think all these are very laughable. When I lay silently on my bed and stare up the ceiling, I would laugh to myself. This life is so silly. Humans are so silly to a point where I find it immensely funny.

In minds, people are always plotting. Trying to think of a way to strive. To kill. To achieve. To hurt. To love. To revenge. The motives are endless. Some of us aim for the good things. While many of them are the exact opposite.

I could not understand. I don't wanna understand. I bet God is having an amusing time up there watching us silly humans running around all day long all over the globe. Our minds constantly working, plotting, planning, tiring, breaking.

Sometimes I would tell myself, "Strive for my aim. I don't need to be the best among others, I only need to be the best among the so many failure version of me. How I treat others, I will be treated the same way in return. If I want that person to smile and laugh and talk and feel comfortable around me, let me be the first to do so and I'll get the same treatment in return."

I do not Judge. Not because I don't care, nor because I'm too kind. No. It's because I know and understand that everyone is different and nobody is perfect. Each and every person is VERY special in their own ways, you'll just have to learn to accept and try to see the goods instead of the flaws.

Sometimes when I'm so sick of a certain person. I sit down and take a deep breath. I soon found myself telling me, "Try to see things from that person's point of view. There must be a very good reason why he/she do what he/she did." Most of the time, I get a bit more understanding, though there are many times that life prove me that humans are evil.

Life is health. Feelings are like health too. As you grow old, as long length of time goes by, you'll find yourself body deteriorating. When you were just a child, you could run and jump and laugh all day long and never feel tired but 50 years later, you find yourself incapable of doing so.

When you were a teenager, you do all those crazy stuffs that you regret all the time. Trouble is constantly around every corner. You can sleep for hours and never feel you'd slept enough. You can ride those roller coaster 3 times in a row and drive the car with minimum speed of 100 km per h. You act before you think. You cry before you understand what those feelings truly are.

But 40 years later, getting up from that couch feels like getting up from the roller coaster after 3 rides in a row. You think not once, not twice, but thrice! before you act. You sleep not more then 6 hours a day or your back will ache and your driving speed makes a tortoise laugh and your kids and grandchildren cringe and impatient.

At different stages of life, we come across different things, different experience. At different stages of life, you'll find yourself changing constantly. Learning constantly. Hurting constantly. And growing up physically and mentally constantly. This is an unavoidable cycle.

On days like this when my mind is millions and millions miles away or just being a space cadet, I would tell myself, "Just be who I am. Cherish every moment and enjoy life while I can. Do not be sad, angry, painful nor disappointed. I want only happiness, enlightenment, peace, joy and laughter. For now, this is enough, this is all I have and I am proud and happy the way I am today. Tomorrow will be a better day, I will be a better person with higher achievement and a happier smile. A smile that perhaps can brighten up others' day, an optimistic attitude that can probably can rub on others. Talk and act without disregarding others' feelings. And always be true to myself."

Lost

There are so many things hidden behind this chest of mine,
It feels like it's gonna burst anytime.

I want to express but don't know how,
I want to cry but no tears come,
I want to sleep but consciousness won't go,
I want to study but can't concentrate,
I want to run but I have no where to go,
I want to scream but can't find my voice when I open my mouth,
I want to talk but there is no one here to listen,
I want to think but there are just too many thoughts fighting for attention,
I want to have someone by my side but there is no one,
I want to smile but these eyes are betraying me,
I want to laugh but my heart is bleeding.

Dear heavy weight in my chest,
What are you? Where did you come from? Why are you here? When did you start existing and How can I help to make you go away?

我看不见我自己的好，
我只看见我失败的一切。。

只有我和你, 没有我们

你那么死心塌地的爱着她，
可是， 为什么那一个“她”不能是我？


F.F.May

All my Life, I had only knew how to study, play music, have fun with friends, be with my family. It's always the same thing over and over again. It all changed, When something called Love paraded into my life, And tip every last balance I managed to maintain up until now. Sometimes when you look up from what you're busy doing, You see a sky so blue and were mesmerized by it, And you see the birds that fly so freely up there, How I wished I were one of them. By myself I sat down, Looking up I wondered to myself thousands of questions why? The only one I want, Is the one and only person I cannot have. I laughed to myself with no humor, Heart forever scared with wound that would never disappear, Soul eternally printed with your footsteps. At times like this, When I'm mentally breaking from inside out, I wonder why no tears come. I guess as you grow older, Pain become a part of life, That you don't even feel when it's there, Because you had already learned to get use to the feeling and live on.

F.F.May

The Outlines Of Dreams.

It's like living a Dream,
While I'm pretty sure it's Reality.

Time goes by and I feel like a Ghost,
Sleep is the only time I can find comfort.

Sway and drag through every day's schedule,
Like a robot, set on Autopilot.

Unable to concentrate on anything,
When people talk,
It's like listening to voices from underwater.

I hear but I'm not listening,
I see but I'm not looking,
I talk but I'm not thinking,
Everything's so Blurry,
What am I doing?

It's like standing at the middle of a busy Highway,
Vehicles shot past me in every direction,
The world seems to be moving forward,
There's only me stranded in the middle of Nowhere.

Confused between Truth and Lies,
Which is right and wrong?
Life is playing games with me.

I loose myself in my own jumbles of Melodies,
A world of Music where I could call my own.

Somewhere a voice screamed,
Heart slammed against my ribs in surprise,
I shot open my eyes,
I found myself sitting in the middle of my class.

Ahh, so I fell asleep.
The noisy chatter and laughter of all these oddly familiar people made me feel so far away,
Like I'm watching it all happen from a dream.

"Hey!"
Someone shout out to me,
Looking up in confusion, question was thrown at me.
Frowning, I didn't know.

*laugh*

How funny..
How long have I been asleep?
Where the hell have I been?
How come nobody reached out a hand and wake me up?
Because right now,
I finally realized how far the world had left me Behind...

F.F.May
-BoundaryOfLimitation-

Don't say "What to do?" when you fall in Love,
'Cause I'm sure it happened for a reason,
A reason that might bring sadness or happiness,
We have no idea at all...

Night Stars

Upon the dark night sky tonight,
I sent a prayer up above,
Present me a sparkling falling star,
One where I can make a wish,
With a chance of it to come through...

Somewhere beyond the distance where my eyes could not be sure,
A light,
Almost as bright as your eyes sparkle.
Thank you God! For sending me a shooting star...

Down on my knees on the grassy ground I go,
Hands clasped together and a wish was sent.
Angels and Gods please lend me your strength,
The strength to forget love and be happy again.

A heavy burden was lifted somewhere in my chest,
Ahh, I feel so light I swore I could almost join the stars.
With my eyes closed I say goodbye,
A gentle farewell to sadness and pain,
Which I'm sure would come back someday.

Late at night and I can't sleep,
Cheeks damp and eyes sore from tears,
Dying slowly from inside out by the memories oh so cold.

A soul that cannot be mine,
I had never once understood why.
The eyes and smile that I gave my all to,
Turned away.

Something cracked and shattered deep within,
The wound Bleed
Bleed
and Bleed

In the darkness my eyes can only see your face,
The face I can never kiss when you're sad,
The eyes that can never look at me with Love.

Sometimes I really wonder if I should smile,
Because you're my Friend.
Or Cry because that all you'll ever be?

Tonight, I made a wish,
Upon a shooting star in the dark, dark sky.
Please let me forget love and move on,
Give me back all the pieces of heart I gave you,
And let me heal slowly.

As I fall asleep tonight in my cold bed,
The feelings inside has yet disappear,
Water that represents the bleeding wound of my soul fall,
From the two wells that are deeper then the oceans.

Ahh, Angels,
You made a fool of me again.
My wish didn't come true,
The feelings still remain.

I asked you to send me a shooting star,
Instead you gave me an aeroplane,
An illusion that doesn't grant any wish,
As love and pain still remains...

F.F.May
-BoundaryOfLimitation-

Music, our common World

I wonder what happened?
It seems like there's something wrong with my Heart.
It keeps aching every time I see you,
My brain keep thinking of you everywhere I go.

I wonder if this is a new form of disease?
I wonder if this is some kind of curse?
I wonder if I'd finally lose my mind?
Why am I so hesitant?

Through your music,
I hear and see a painful soul.
A soul that had seen bitter parts of life,
A heart that had been broken too many times.

In your eyes,
They say disappointment and love?
A love that you cannot fulfill,
Or had someone just left without a goodbye.

Like an invisible force,
Those quiet eyes had me mesmerized.
I understood a little more when I hear your Melody,
I admire your Silent soul.

Without meaning to, without realizing,
The forbidden feelings formed inside this chest,
No, this can't be happening.
I don't need Love.

You lowered your gaze right at the moment I raise mine,
As you walked by I swear my heart nearly died,
For that 2 brief moments when our eyes were locked.
God, is this your doing?

Baby Cupids up there somewhere,
I think you'd made a mistake.
Stop shooting arrows without aiming correctly,
I happened to be shot,
I think I'm dying of Love.

The only thing we have in common is the Music world we both live in.
He can not be mine, I wonder why and I kinda knew why.
So my dear angels,
Please come and help me.

Pull these cupid arrows out of me,
Let my wounds heal and I'll be fine,
I don't need Love,
No, I'll be fine.

Once, somewhere along the way I lost my heart,
I don't need it back,
Just so it can be broken again..

F.F.May
--BoundaryOfLimitation--

Changes

We'll all come to a point in life, where Time means so much and you'll always wonder where did it go?Lying on my bed, I look up at my ceiling. It's another nothing day, another nothing hour, another nothing minute.

There are also times, when I wake up in the morning, there's a funny energy in me. An energy that made me want to live my life to the fullest. A force that push me to run first in life that day.

As you grow older, the more you'll realize that what used to matter the world to you, it actually doesn't mean anything at all..What used to be very important that you would do anything for it turns out to be laughable thing.

As time goes by, I changed and so did you.. Along with Time, all of us grew up just a little bit. Just a little more. Age does not limit your ability to learn, everyday I'm growing, every minute I'm learning.

Growing takes a long time. Sometimes deep within this stubborn heart I KNOW! that what's wrong and what's not. But I would chose to ignore, and go ahead with my own way. Again and again I wound up in the wrong path until I'm willing to sit down and think and tell myself,
It's Time To Grow Up.

Everyday, I'm understanding more. If only I can turn back time to ten years ago. When I was still a kid, when I didn't know what a twisted world this is. But it's all too late now, the past have to remain in the past. I have to move on.

At a certain level in Life. You'll find yourself looking in the mirror and a voice in your head would say, "Hey! Who the hell is that?!"
And then truth will hit you so hard, you'll look at the person in the mirror closer, amazed to find how much that person had changed over time.

Once or twice, you'll fall in love. Once or twice you'll meet the wrong kind of friends. Once or twice you'll stumble into the wrong road. But all the lessons learned will make you strong one day..

So here I go. Here I go again. Wondering about life. Asking where did the Time go. But I guess it's time, it's time for me to accept and grow up. Though I'm not strong enough yet. Though I'm sure I'm not ready yet..

F.F.May
-BoundaryOfLimitation-

Time and Childhood..

Time...
Where did it go?
What happened to the smiles and laughter that was never far from our lips?
What happened to those silly stories and never ending giggles?

Ahh~~
Time...
It did not pass me by,
It practically ran over me...

What happened to my childhood?
I'm in my sweet sixteen year already...
So much for 'Sweet' sixteen,
Too bad, nothing much is sweet about it..

As years go by,
We watch the people around us come and go,
With just a blink of an eye, as swift as the wind...
Is there anything that can stop me from growing up??

Once innocent and peaceful mind,
I never knew I would turn out like this..
Time! Wait! Don't go so fast!
I'm not ready yet...

I'm not ready to grow up and see the dark side of the world,
I'm not strong enough to handle all those punches of life that's coming my way,
I'm not prepared for all the people around me to leave so soon...

Sometimes Life feels like driving really fast around a curve,
You never know who or what you might bump into,
You don't know when is the time you might just skid off the cliff...
Life used to be all Innocent and Pure...

Time! Please don't go so fast!
I don't wanna grow up yet,
I want to be happy and laugh from the bottom of my heart everyday...
Just like a Child in my Childhood...

BLOODY BASTARD

There are so many things BOTTLED UP IN MY CHEST,
I just wanna SCREAM out LOUD,
and PUNCH someone hard in the face..

FUCK OFF before I lose all self control,
I am SICK of your craps,
and trust me,
I am going to make you MISERABLE

Soul's Rhythm

*sigh*

Here we go...
Here we go again...

Another day of lousy stuffs, another hour of lousy work...
What happened to the smiles and laughter?
What happened to the innocence and pureness?
Where in everyone's eyes used to be filled with Faith and Dreams...
Where betrayal and lies do not exist...

Ahh...
This is Life huh?
This is not a very nice game isn't it?
What happened to my time?
What happened to my carefree days?
What happened to once upon a bright happy dream?
What happened to you and me, once upon a happy Friendship?

Let's close our eyes and open our ears...
Turn on that one favorite song really loud and start humming...
I'm about to get off my chair and dance...
Life is like Music,
At times, it can make you lose Control...

Move your body according to that soulful rhythm...
Oh no, memories come flooding back...
Back off now cause right now is my time,
Time for me to take a rest from you and your stupid friend, Reality...

Raise your hands and move that body a bit!
Yes! Just move with the music...
Oh, tears are falling?
That's okay, it's all part of the song...

Here comes the ironic part of the song!
Open your mouth and laugh out loud!
Christ, who said life is easy?
Mine is just about to begin..

Alright, second chorus...
Still moving, still loosing...
I can feel those stress washing away,
Come on, no need to hesitant anymore and dance!

Feeling like a dork cause you can't dance?
Haha! Don't worry, nobody's here to judge you but you, yourself..
Others' words may sting, but they never matters..
Never be afraid to be who you are..
You're already special in your own way..

Oh, come on now lips!
Crack me a smile...
Tears, it's time to stop and leave me alone..
Sanity, it's time for a rest!
Emotion, you had had a hard time...
Heart, sorry for breaking you so many times..
Feelings, you can loose control tonight...

I open my mouth,
I can hear myself sing...!
Who cares if I'm not singing the right word?
Who cares if I'm a little off pitch?
Who cares if I make mistakes?
I'm not perfect, neither are You!

Alright people,
Here comes the final verse...
Raise that voice and shout those lyrics out,
Empty that mindful of troubles and just sing and dance...
Life is too short to be unhappy,
I will live mine strongly and crazily..

Dear mind...
Take me back to those happy times...
Remind me once more how beautiful life can be...
Prove to me once again how happiness is part of life...

Tonight I'm gonna wash those pitiful pain away,
And see the goods rather then the flaws...
I will sing and dance as I walk along this road of life,
Though I may face some tough rocks, though I may fell down time and again...

I will keep this wonderful Melody in my heart,
So it can keep me going on,
When the world feels like it's about to Fall Apart...

This is the ending of the song...
Hah! I feel so much lighter!
What is this energy in me?!
I feel like I can stand up and fight again...

So let's smile, dance and sing...
I fell again and again but I stand up once more..
If I can do it...Then so can YOU...

Limit

Carefully, silently,
I put my rusty armor on.
Bracing myself tenderly,
I guess it's time to move on...

Fingers cold from anxiety,
My eyes blank from all emotions.
Time to take my first step gently,
And leave behind all the things that make my heart cries...

All armors strapped on tightly,
Nothing is going to penetrate this soldier again.
With wisdom, I shall raise my sword highly,
Life is a war, and I shall fight fairly...

I will stop running now,
Stop running from what they call Reality.
Life is a long story that I'm about to know,
There is no rush, I'll learn gradually...

With every sunset life is mocking me,
But don't be too aggressive, I'm about to rise.
Up from all the darkness within me,
I will be stronger and God help me, wiser...

Look out! Disgraceful creatures lurking behind the shadows,
Show yourself and come fight me.
Prove me how foolish I am,
I will show you, how much of a fool you are...

Do not mimic my goods,
Do not criticize my flaws,
You don't need to like me for who I am,
For you don't even love yourself for who you are...

Back straight, head held high,
It's time for the duel between the Light and Dark,
It's time for the battle between my Heart and Mind.
Creatures of Heaven, Earth and Below,
Today, you shall Judge...

I will pray to God for a better tomorrow,
Slowly I lift my foot and took my first step.
It's time for Justice,
I will not rest 'till all your existence is erased from my world...

In everyone's life, we all have to come to this point of the journey. The point where every where you turn, pictures of that particular person would come to mind. The point where that person will be the last thing you think of before you fall asleep each night and also the first person ever that come to mind each morning.

The point where just by a simple smile can send you over the Heaven. The point where just by looking into your eyes your heart could pump and hop a thousand miles. How did it turn out this way? Now, that's a great question with no answer.

Which part is so good about that person? Why are your lips lifting on it's own when that person looks at you? How is it that everything that person does seems so natural and perfect? Why is it you fell in love, even with his flaws and scars?

Life is a mystery. Always had been. Always will be. You never know just who you might bump into in every corner you turn in life. And God, am I glad I met him.

Love. It's just a simple word with meanings no one can truly explain. It is something we never get a chance to say "No, I don't need it." God and angels had already written a plan for everyone, a plan that can be very unfair and painful.

Crying sometimes doesn't mean you're weak. From the time you were born, crying signifies that you're alive! Crying for love. Crying for life. Crying for emotions. Crying for what we'd lost. Crying for what we'd finally achieved. Crying for what we're fighting for. It's something that is part of life.

Sometimes God has own His funny way in planning things. Sometimes He makes mistakes too. Not all the time the person we fell in love with will share our mutual feelings. It's not always that when 2 person is together, they'll get happiness.

It's not the first time that I question God and the angels this question. Why? Why did you plan for me to love the person that just don't love me back? Again and again nothing and no one answer me. I'm another soul, in search for answers and happiness. Just like you and everyone else...

She's The One

I'm not the one that can make your heart go pumping hard every time I look into your eyes...

I'm not the one that can send you over the clouds even if I kiss you right here, right now...

I'm not the one that you could only think of before you sleep every night...

I'm not the that can beak your heart even if I walk away from your life forever...

I'm not the one that you would want to spend the rest of your life with...

I'm not the one that can take your breath away when I smile sweetly at you...

I'm not the one that can occupies every space in your heart...

I"m not the one that can make you smile when you're about to cry...

I'm not the one that can make you smile shyly when even time I walk by...

I'm not the one you would risk your life protecting..

I'm not the one that can make you say, "It's alright, I'll be right here by you always"

I'm not the one that can make you cry when I say "It's over"

I'm not the one you would come to every time you're down...

I'm not the one that you could only see in the crowd of people..

I'm not the one that you would grab hold on to when I'm about to leave...

I'm not the one that you would miss deep in your heart when I'm gone...

I'm not the one that can make you feel happy all the time..

So I'll let her do it instead, the girl that meant the whole world to you...