Life's Cycle

There are times when all you wanna do is turn around and Punch someone or something Hard in the face and say "Don't Fucking Mess With Me!!"

There are also times when you knew you just can't do it, but only to grit your teeth and swallow it down..

There are times when people, stuffs, responsibilities, commitment, relationships are such a PAIN in the butt and you just wanna scream.

As you grow older, life gets more and more complicated. This is not an estimation nor is it a prediction, this is a Fact. As you grow older, just by a look, an expression, one word, a body language, you'll understand the thoughts of others.

I was scared and afraid. I was scared of all the bitter and harsh emotions humans are capable of having. I've seen with my own naked eyes, how humans would fight whatever it takes to get what they want.

Disregarding the ones around them. Ignoring the selfishness. Forgetting the love. Indulging the power, wealth, greed and fame.

What is the purpose of all these actions? What is yours, will always be yours. What cannot be yours, even if you fight without considering anything, I'll still not be yours. It's simple. It's almost unacceptable. It's ironic. It's kinda awkward. It's stupid. Almost hypocritical.

Sometimes I think all these are very laughable. When I lay silently on my bed and stare up the ceiling, I would laugh to myself. This life is so silly. Humans are so silly to a point where I find it immensely funny.

In minds, people are always plotting. Trying to think of a way to strive. To kill. To achieve. To hurt. To love. To revenge. The motives are endless. Some of us aim for the good things. While many of them are the exact opposite.

I could not understand. I don't wanna understand. I bet God is having an amusing time up there watching us silly humans running around all day long all over the globe. Our minds constantly working, plotting, planning, tiring, breaking.

Sometimes I would tell myself, "Strive for my aim. I don't need to be the best among others, I only need to be the best among the so many failure version of me. How I treat others, I will be treated the same way in return. If I want that person to smile and laugh and talk and feel comfortable around me, let me be the first to do so and I'll get the same treatment in return."

I do not Judge. Not because I don't care, nor because I'm too kind. No. It's because I know and understand that everyone is different and nobody is perfect. Each and every person is VERY special in their own ways, you'll just have to learn to accept and try to see the goods instead of the flaws.

Sometimes when I'm so sick of a certain person. I sit down and take a deep breath. I soon found myself telling me, "Try to see things from that person's point of view. There must be a very good reason why he/she do what he/she did." Most of the time, I get a bit more understanding, though there are many times that life prove me that humans are evil.

Life is health. Feelings are like health too. As you grow old, as long length of time goes by, you'll find yourself body deteriorating. When you were just a child, you could run and jump and laugh all day long and never feel tired but 50 years later, you find yourself incapable of doing so.

When you were a teenager, you do all those crazy stuffs that you regret all the time. Trouble is constantly around every corner. You can sleep for hours and never feel you'd slept enough. You can ride those roller coaster 3 times in a row and drive the car with minimum speed of 100 km per h. You act before you think. You cry before you understand what those feelings truly are.

But 40 years later, getting up from that couch feels like getting up from the roller coaster after 3 rides in a row. You think not once, not twice, but thrice! before you act. You sleep not more then 6 hours a day or your back will ache and your driving speed makes a tortoise laugh and your kids and grandchildren cringe and impatient.

At different stages of life, we come across different things, different experience. At different stages of life, you'll find yourself changing constantly. Learning constantly. Hurting constantly. And growing up physically and mentally constantly. This is an unavoidable cycle.

On days like this when my mind is millions and millions miles away or just being a space cadet, I would tell myself, "Just be who I am. Cherish every moment and enjoy life while I can. Do not be sad, angry, painful nor disappointed. I want only happiness, enlightenment, peace, joy and laughter. For now, this is enough, this is all I have and I am proud and happy the way I am today. Tomorrow will be a better day, I will be a better person with higher achievement and a happier smile. A smile that perhaps can brighten up others' day, an optimistic attitude that can probably can rub on others. Talk and act without disregarding others' feelings. And always be true to myself."