17 years

That was me 15 years ago when I was 2 years old.

I had the most innocent smile ever.

In my eyes you can find not a trace unhappiness nor sadness.

Time.

We're all prisoners caged under the bars of Life,

Time is our brutal punishment.

I wonder how did it happen? I wonder when did it happen? The innocence in me is all gone.

Everyday I wake up, there is no longer a smile on my face as I roll off my bed and prepare to face the world.

Looking into the mirror I don't see me.

I only see another girl whom I could not recognize looking back at me silently.

Monday all the way through to Friday, I put on my school uniform and tie my necktie right.

Before I go, I remembered to grab my bag and put on my smile.

It's another day, another day filled with confusion and voices from above water.

The goals in life,

I understand is hard to achieve.

But I promise myself I will persevere. I will try hard. I will do my best.

When a day ends, I close my room door and took off my smile.

Time to rest, time for a goodnight sleep.

In my music sometimes I feel numb and couldn't find the passion I had.

In studies sometimes I can't concentrate and couldn't read nor understand a thing.

In love I am giving up for it's always the wrong person, I am always hurting and breaking.

In friendship, sometimes many of you makes me sad and time had changed everyone so much.

In family, I am so sick and tired of trying to understand your stupid issues.

Close friends leave one after another. 

I need to go out, have fun and stop worrying about everything for once!

I need to find the ME in me again,

The me that has no cares, the me that still believes in promises and happiness, the me that smiles truly from the bottom of my heart.

The last time I remember, I was on 12, graduating from primary school.

When did it begin that I am suddenly old enough to drive and go to wherever I want with everyone treating me like an adult.

When did I grew up??

Hahahhahahahaha....! It makes me laugh sarcastically, ironically.

From now on, I just wanna rub away the unhappiness that lurked too long in me.

A little by little everyday,

I want to make new friends and feel my heart BEAT against my chest again.

I want to feel excitement, passion, adrenaline, happiness as well as my soul.

A lot of things happened since I'm 2 years old.

Somewhere along the way I cried, got angry, felt hopeless, heart broken, betrayed and a million more emotions.

I sure, from here on, I will learn even more and feel another million of emotions.

It will be alright,

No need to force myself,

One step by one step, I will find ME again and happiness will reach me.

I am not your average girl,

I believe in me.